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Shame & Guilt Counselling in Richmond, BC

When a person feels ongoing shame and guilt, it’s often not linked to a specific event but results from a constant underlying feeling. People who have gone through past trauma can develop what is called “core shame,” and they can also be more sensitive to feeling guilty about present events and taking on others’ accusations (or what they think are accusations).

We also offer in-person therapy options for Richmond residents, including EMDR Therapy.

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When we feel guilty, it’s usually related to a specific behavior, while feeling ashamed is more about feeling bad about ourselves as a person. Guilt can lead to remorse and the possibility of making things right, while shame often involves feeling wrong with no hope of fixing it. Both guilt and shame can serve different purposes, but they affect individuals differently.

During early experiences, developing a healthy sense of self separate from internalized criticism or negativity is essential in counseling, as it addresses feelings of shame and guilt.

This process may include experientially learning:

Understand how the brain and mind function to better grasp your emotions and behaviors, especially regarding feelings of shame and guilt.
What is stress, and how can you manage it to maintain emotional balance during feelings of guilt and shame?
How can we recognize hidden thoughts, feelings, and beliefs learned in childhood that have caused unhelpful guilt and deep shame? Like many problems, shame and guilt are often linked with other emotions, such as anger and sadness.
How to develop new, more flexible, positive beliefs about yourself, others, and the world? These beliefs influence your automatic interpretations and expectations.

In counseling for shame and guilt, you will learn how to constructively communicate and relate with others and yourself. The focus will be on respecting emotional boundaries and promoting self-agency and autonomy to build stronger connections and self-validation. Managing anger and sadness, which are closely connected to shame and guilt, will involve encouraging constructive expression.
How to find, understand, and handle the different types and layers of emotions that may be causing ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ and the need for safety and connection that are linked to them.
Learning new ways of thinking and problem-solving can help you better handle life’s challenges. This empowerment gives you more control and independence, which in turn helps you manage or lessen guilt and shame when they are not suitable for the situation. Discover practical principles to approach life’s challenges with more peace of mind and success.

Our counseling services in Richmond, whether in person or online, provide a safe space to discuss your experiences without fear of judgment or criticism. We help you understand the underlying causes of your emotions, recognize patterns or root issues, and develop practical ways to address them.

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What is Shame?

It’s common to feel ashamed for many reasons, big or small. It can make you feel like you’re not good enough, leading to sadness, worry, or avoidance of social situations. Even after the upsetting event is over, shame can stick around. It often involves feeling like others are judging you harshly.

On a deeper level, shame can be connected to a person’s core beliefs about themselves or the world around them. It can also be rooted in past experiences, like being shamed or excluded by family or peers.

Signs and symptoms of shame:

Avoiding eye contact
Feeling embarrassed or unworthy of attention
Having a negative self-image
Difficulty connecting with others
Feeling isolated and disconnected from the world around you

What is Guilt?

Guilt is like shame, but it has its characteristics. When we feel guilt, we regret an action or decision that we believe was wrong based on moral standards. We often feel guilty after making a mistake, leading to regret, self-doubt, and distress. Guilt is different from shame because it mainly involves our judgment rather than criticism from others.

Signs and symptoms of guilt:

Struggling to forgive yourself
Feeling responsible for negative events
Over-apologizing or self-blaming
Avoiding reminders of your mistake
Inability to enjoy success due to guilt

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Clients Say

Testimonials

Mr. Gordon is someone that captures the spirit and the heart of active engagement. He is empathic, genuine and incorporates action and creative problem solving into his practice. I have no hesitation in recommending Mr. Gordon as an effective career and personal counsellor.

NA

I had no experience with therapy and was unsure of the whole process. Alistair made everything very accessible and unintimidating. It was clear that he puts quite a lot of effort and preparation into every session. I'm so glad that I decided to do this, and could not have asked for a better person to help me with this. I would highly recommend Alistair to anyone who has ever thought that they might benefit from talking to a professional.

EH

I am a young professional which for a long time now, has struggled with anxiety, insecurity, and difficulty in finding effective life coping mechanisms. Alistair was referred to me by a friend and upon the first meeting, I found Alistair to be empathetic, compassionate and intuitive. I have now been seeing Alistair regularly for 6 months and through that time my anxiety has significantly decreased, I have found effective methods of dealing with stress, found support dealing with identity issues, as well as finding inner strength to get through a tough break up. Alistair again and again, went the extra mile -thank you Alistair for your candor, openness and a safe space to get support. Thank you for playing such a large role in keeping me healthy and positive.

KL

I have been working with Alistair Gordon as my counsellor at Wellspring for almost 6 months now and cannot begin to tell you how far I have come with his help. I have tried working with other counsellors and therapists in the past but never really found one that clicked for me. I always felt judged, unsupported, and rushed at those appointments until I booked my first appointment with Wellspring and with Allistair. To anyone on the fence about booking an appointment or engaging in therapy: if you are willing to do the work, you couldn't ask for a better partner in your healing journey.

ER

When I decided to find a counsellor, I tried to find someone that I could relate to, someone that is like-minded and down-to-earth and with Alistair I really found the right person. He uses an integrative approach, showed me techniques to relax and get aware of my emotions, and helped me see things in a new perspective. Of course this is an ongoing process but I enjoy meeting and working with Alistair every time. The downtown office is a very neutral place - not too intimate, not too clinical - which is helpful to overcome apprehension, especially the first couple of times. What I find remarkable is that Alistair almost always knows what I'm trying to say, even if I can't put it into words. Working with Alistair helped me a lot and it was the right decision to put my trust in him.

MA

Alistair really cares about you the person, and I could really feel him trying to tackle my challenges. He was also very available for off-session contact via text and email. I think he did a great job with confronting me where I needed it. Alistair always could remember the important peoples' names in my personal life, which really helped with talking about my problems. I really felt like I was talking to a friend.

MS

Alistair is an awesome counsellor. He has been so helpful in working with me through some tough times in my life. He's always been available to chat with me in-between sessions. I'd recommend Alistair to anyone - he's really the ideal counsellor in my view.

JG

I enjoy how sessions are collaborative where I can take the lead for the direction of what we talk about, and at the same time I know that Alistair will offer helpful guidance and insight along the way. I also like how we focus on the future instead of just the past. I find this to be empowering and helpful to move forward in life.

RM

Alistair is an awesome counsellor. He has been so helpful in working with me through some tough times in my life. He's always been available to chat with me in-between sessions. I'd recommend Alistair to anyone - he's really the ideal counsellor in my view.

JG

I have always felt very comfortable with Alistair. He has a calming presence, and you can tell he cares about being the best counsellor for you. He helps you with all aspects of your concern, and is always able to help me find a solution to the problem I'm having.

SD

Alistair is an exceptionally talented counsellor and has always demonstrated strong ethics, great compassion, wisdom and respect for others. I highly recommend him as a counselling practitioner.

MB

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Heal with Wellspring Shame & Guilt Counselling in Richmond, BC

At Wellspring Counselling, our experienced Richmond therapists and counselors can help you understand why you feel guilty and ashamed, how it affects your actions, and ways to manage these emotions.

We offer a safe and supportive environment where you can speak openly without worrying about being judged. With our help, you can learn to handle your feelings better and find the courage to move forward.

Contact us today by visiting our contact page or booking an appointment here.